Key takeaways for caregivers
- Children learn a lot about themselves through daily conversations with caregivers.
- When caregivers talk to toddlers about their own bodies, thoughts, and feelings, they give them opportunities to attend to themselves.
- Mothers from Canada and Vanuatu differ in how they talk to their toddlers about these matters.
- These cultural differences may affect how early in life young children think of themselves as separate individuals.
Humans are cultural beings. Everyday interactions with other people gradually shape the way they experience the world and engage with others. Societies have their own ways of guiding children into these ways of being – we call this socialization. Language is one of the most important tools of socialization.
Babies are not born with a sense of self that allows them to reflect on their experiences. Children take two to three years to develop a rudimentary sense of self – that is, to demonstrate an awareness that they are separate from others and that others see them as separate beings.
Children take two to three years to develop a rudimentary sense of self.
Even this early sense of self develops at different rates in different cultures (e.g., we see evidence for it earlier in urban and Western societies and later in rural, small, closely knit communities), highlighting the importance of socialization. In this article, we show that the way parents and caregivers talk to toddlers in everyday conversations is important in shaping their development.
This article covers:
- Socialization with toddlers through language
- Cross-cultural differences in adult-toddler conversations
- A cross-cultural study with toddlers
- Potential effects of conversation on a toddler’s development
- Joint attention to children’s selves
- What caregivers talk about with toddlers matters
1. Socialization with toddlers through language
In studies with children who are talking, caregivers from English-speaking, urban, middle-class backgrounds encouraged children’s personal narratives during conversations. They did this by:
- asking questions about a particular experience the child had;
- commenting on the child’s emotions, thoughts, and preferences, and
- helping the child build a personal story that is culturally suitable – perhaps one that reflects self-confidence, curiosity, and creativity.
Imagine a mother and her five-year-old in an urban or Western setting reminiscing about an experience at the playground. The mother says, “You have always been adventurous. Remember how you ran off to explore the giant slides when you were only three?” In this example, the mother is not only inviting the child to remember this past event but also setting the stage for interpreting it as an illustration of positive fearlessness.
2. Cross-cultural differences in adult-toddler conversations
The encouraging style adopted by the mother in the above example is a culturally unique one. In studies, caregivers in some cultures (e.g., China, India, Korea, Turkey) were less likely to focus the conversation on their child and instead tended to use a more instructive style, such as telling the child to do something.
Photo by Barbara Olsen
These differences can affect children’s social and emotional development. For example, the ways in which children remember events about themselves are shaped by parent-child conversations. Preschool-aged children whose parents encouraged detailed conversations about their child’s experiences provided longer and more elaborate memories about their past than did children whose parents did not encourage these conversations.
3. A cross-cultural study with toddlers
Most studies of parent-child conversations have been conducted with children of preschool age and older. It is difficult to study this topic with younger children, but doing so could help researchers understand what drives the faster-paced self-development of children in urban and Western societies. In our study, we examined how mothers living in an urban Canadian city and a rural island village in Vanuatu conversed with their toddlers, who were old enough to understand language but too young to speak.
Why choose families from Canada and Vanuatu?
Our Canadian participants were from an urban center with a population that is well-educated, affluent, and ethnically diverse. As is the case in most North American countries, the culture is primarily individualistic – that is, the culture values individuals’ independence and people strive to express their uniqueness through both lifestyle and achievements.
In contrast, Vanuatu is a small-scale society in the South Pacific made up of several small islands. People live in small villages surrounded by relatives and practice horticulture. Western-style formal schooling exists on the island and is optional, with most youth attending part-time and until middle school.
Many families in Vanuatu opt for informal education instead of formalized learning. Caregivers care deeply about teaching their children traditional subsistence skills and local customs. Vanuatu is a classless society without occupational specialization where individuals shy away from standing out and value interpersonal harmony.
Unsurprisingly, these two contexts are associated with very different socialization goals. Whereas residents in urban Canada prioritize emotional independence, residents in Vanuatu (especially in rural Vanuatu) support emotional union among family members. Therefore, studying mothers and children from Canada and Vanuatu offers the opportunity to understand how socialization priorities are reflected in language use. This is the first step in figuring out how language may guide children’s early self-development.
How do Canadian and ni-Vanuatu mothers talk with their toddlers?
We met with 35 families either in the lab or in their homes (16 in Canada, 19 in Vanuatu; all families included mothers and approximately half of the children were girls). We asked mothers to play with their 21-month-olds in typical ways for 10 minutes. Next, we analyzed the content of what the mothers said to their children during play. The differences were remarkable.
Canadian mothers were much more talkative than ni-Vanuatu mothers. In proportion to their talkativeness, Canadian mothers referred significantly more to toddlers’ body parts (e.g., “Is that your tummy?”) and internal states than ni-Vanuatu mothers did.
When we divided internal states further – into mental states (e.g., thoughts, emotions, abilities, desires) and bodily states (e.g., perceptions, sensations) – we identified additional cultural patterns.
When referring to internal states, Canadian mothers referred significantly more frequently to mental states (e.g., “Do you remember that song?”). The few references ni-Vanuatu mothers made to internal states involved bodily states (e.g., “Are you thirsty?”) rather than mental states. Instead, ni-Vanuatu mothers referred much more frequently to actions (“Get up and dance!”) than did Canadian mothers.
Canadian mothers referred significantly more frequently to mental states (e.g., “Do you remember that song?”). Ni-Vanuatu mothers referred much more frequently to actions (“Get up and dance!”).
4. Potential effects of conversation on a toddler’s development
Our results highlighted substantial differences in the ways Canadian and ni-Vanuatu mothers talked to their preverbal toddlers. Specifically, Canadian mothers referred significantly more to their toddlers’ body parts and mental states, whereas ni-Vanuatu mothers focused more on their children’s actions.
What difference does this make? Our study did not investigate the effects of these differences on the children. But we expect that what caregivers say to their toddlers might affect the pace of the children’s development. Our reasoning revolves mostly around the concept of joint attention, specifically, the opportunities that arise during joint attention to the self.
5. Joint attention to children’s selves
What are caregivers doing when they talk to their toddlers about their own bodies, thoughts, feelings, and preferences? Interacting through language involves participating in a joint attention triangle: The words refer to whatever the conversation partners are jointly attending to.
For example, imagine a mother talking to her toddler about a puppy. “She’s so tiny,” the mother might say. Or: “Look at that cute wet nose.” In this example, both the mother and the child are attending to the puppy. Now, instead, imagine this mother asking her child, “Is this your tummy?” and the toddler nodding with a smile. Here, the duo is attending to the toddler’s stomach.
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko
We refer to these interactions as joint attention to the self and argue that they give children opportunities to attend to themselves. Such opportunities may benefit children in understanding if a stomach is his or hers, as well as what it is to be himself or herself, and eventually, support an early development of self in toddlerhood.
This emphasis on the self is consistent with Canadian parents’ socialization goals – to prepare their children to survive and thrive in a context in which individuality is key to economic, social, and emotional well-being.
6. What caregivers talk about with toddlers matters
In different parts of the world, how early a child learns a variety of skills, such as walking and talking, varies. Similarly, how early a child learns that they are a separate person who has a body, thoughts, and feelings of their own also varies.
When studying cross-cultural differences, it is important to keep in mind that differences do not mean deficits. We are not arguing that using language that focuses on the child is inherently better for their development. The value of different approaches and outcomes depends on the culture.
Photo by Polina Tankilevitch
Therefore, we cannot make the universal recommendation that caregivers talk to their children in a certain way. But we do suggest that what they talk about matters. When parents ask their children to talk about their day, they create an opportunity for children to develop a sense of self, identity, and world view. That is the power of language, discourse, and dialogue. Therefore, we suggest that caregivers use language to support the skills and values that are important in the context of each child’s community.
