For some people, “border” can feel like a negative word. Boundaries in relationships feel like roadblocks or limitations, like they’re designed to prevent us from experiencing anything. To some, boundaries in relationships sound like a pair of shackles. To others, they sound like a safety net. Frankly, we need boundaries to establish rules and norms. Boundaries keep us away from dangerous things. Few people complain about the painted lines or guardrails on winding mountain roads.
If we set the boundaries right, we can expect safer results. If we set them incorrectly or don’t set them at all, we increase the chances of a long fall from the mountain. Boundaries will help protect our important relationships and cherish each other’s hearts. Here are 3 types of relational boundaries you should embrace.
1. Time limits
It sounds obvious, but you should fill your calendar based on what’s there most important to you. The problem is that not everyone cares about your time as much as you do. People will try to squeeze their way in, and if you don’t like disappointing others, you’ll start wasting your time. By setting fixed time limits, you protect what is important to you.
It’s special to be invited to something, but ‘no’ is a complete sentence. We often forget that. How do you set boundaries around your time? If you’re really conflicted, try saying something like, “I’m sorry, but I have other plans.” If you’re free but don’t want to waste too much of your time, try “Thanks for inviting me.” I can only stay ___ minutes.” You should be able to prioritize by saying “no” without fear of abuse or guilt. A “no” to others is a “yes” to your priorities or the things God wants you to do.
2. Verbal Boundaries
I think we’ve all been chewed out by someone in our lives, whether we deserved it or not. Words can sting, and no one has the right to belittle you. No boss. No husband. Words should be spoken with kindness and respect. They should build people up and not tear them down. There is no law forcing you to sit and listen to a disparaging barrage of foul language.
Setting a verbal boundary means you don’t have to put up with language that offends, demeans, or damages your character. Set a verbal boundary by respectfully expressing your concerns and asking to be treated with the same respect. If someone crosses your verbal boundary, you can walk away, take a break, and resume the conversation later.
3. Emotional boundaries
Big emotions are part of life. Sometimes we are discouraged from showing real emotions. We are all entitled to our feelings, and there is nothing shameful about it. While we all have emotions, not all of us build strong emotional boundaries. If we don’t establish those, we can take responsibility for how others feel or let their emotions trample ours.
If your feelings are often underestimated or become unimportant in a relationship, that’s problematic. Your feelings are valuable and should never be overlooked or ignored. To help others recognize your emotional boundaries, use statements like, “I understand you feel this way, but I feel ______.” Don’t let the emotions of others dictate how you behave. Be firm and remind people what is important to you.
What boundaries have you introduced into your life? What boundaries do you wish you had set? Share in a comment.